Wow, changing your life is actually really hard

If the best ideas are the hardest and most scariest to implement, then my idea to leave my 9-5 life is pure genius.

When I told my friends about this idea seven months ago, I knew I would change my mind 100 times (a day). But I really, really, really felt I was on the right track with this idea. So I told them, ‘If I get distracted, remind me that distraction is not an option. This time it is really happening.’

It was so real that I started a blog about it. That way I would be held accountable.

Then I discovered remembered that starting a blog doesn’t mean sh*t.

But like I said in my last post (written three months ago), the good ideas seem to have a habit of bubbling to the surface – even when you do your very best to drown them. Kind of like a beach ball. Or giant plumes of methane in the Arctic Ocean.

There is SO MUCH on the internet about changing your lifestyle. But none of billion blogs and e-books and webinars say how hard it will be. Actually, they probably all say how hard it will be. Then why am I so surprised to learn that it’s so hard?

I have faced sabotage, resistance, well-meaning supporters who only have my best interests at heart suggesting that maybe I should just stick with my current job.

And that’s just the stuff coming from me.

I am getting enormous resistance to my idea to shift out of 9-5 work from friends and family too. Well, I think I am getting resistance. When I told my friend she gave me this really confusing look. I’m pretty sure it was a disapproving look.

I’m getting so much resistance that at the exact time I had earmarked for my departure from my 9-5 job (January 2012), I applied for and was offered a new job in my current office. More pay, more hours, more pressure. But hey, it’s a great job, I have great colleagues, they pay me well. Did I also mention the lingering, inexplicable soul destruction? But hey, you can’t have everything.

My bosses encouraged me to apply for the job. Ah, what a vote of confidence! Wouldn’t it be a great addition to me CV?! Why don’t I just do it for a year or two? It will be great experience. Maybe this new position (which looks exactly like my current position) will be more interesting?

I procrastinated the hell out of submitting my application. I told ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN that I didn’t really want to apply for the job. (I was not fun to be around that month. You could have been having heart surgery and I would have made the conversation about me and my problems). I even told my BOSS I didn’t want the job.

I was nudging, begging, pleading for friends and family to say, ‘you know what, don’t apply for the job. If you don’t want it, don’t do it. It’s your life.’

But they didn’t say that. Maybe a couple did. But they also said, ‘what a great opportunity! Just do it for a year or two.’

I knew that all of these people were just being supportive. They probably didn’t even care all that much. But as I forced them into yet another conversation about moi, they answered just exactly how I could have expected them to answer.

And yet, instead of listening to my instincts that said ‘DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT!’ I listened to everyone else.

I applied for the job, was offered the job. And – you can see where this is going – accepted the job.

So now, instead of leaving 9-5 I have just signed on to a new job in my same office. The same job, just busier, more boring, more pressure. But they pay me more! Which is good, because I think I’m going to need a therapist.

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One thought on “Wow, changing your life is actually really hard

  1. Pingback: Resistance…I thought I was just hopeless | The secret dairy of an (almost) corporate sell-out

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